Delighting in the Lord

My time spent with God each day is something I've grown accustomed to and an integral part of my personal life, but somehow this past week and the week before I seem to find that there is no sense of joy or delight when I sit down to pray and read my Bible. At first, I didn't think much of it. After all, I've done what I considered to be a most important thing that I should have done each day so it didn't matter how I felt, as long as I've made sure that I've prayed to God and read a chapter of the Bible. But by the end of this week, I was feeling spiritually empty and exhausted. All I thought about was what I wanted and what I needed to do to get there. I had pushed God to the back of my priority list while I pursued my own interests and personal gains. In the midst of it all, it suddenly dawned upon me that I was on autopilot; driven by what was in my heart and mind at the time, and I had no thought at all about God being in any of it.

 

So, it came to me at that moment, and it hit me hard. I sat down, and by some routine or habit I wanted to grab my Bible and go through the motions in the hopes that somehow I'll be able to get back into favour with God. But instead, I sat in silence and soon tears began to fill my eyes. I thought, what a fool I had been. I had replaced God with activities and duties, in some ways like replacing obedience with offering back in the days of king Saul. Then I just suddenly wanted God so badly, and this might sound like I'm just imagining things or just plain delluding myself, but I pictured myself embracing Jesus tightly like a child who longs for his father and wants to be near him. For the next few minutes, I did nothing but think about God. After that, I went to read my Bible and the words of Psalm 141, 142 and 143 were simply indescribably precious and the tears flowed as I read each verse. That was something I had missed for a long, long time. A few weeks, maybe, but even that is far too long for me. I told God that that was what I wanted each day with Him. If I could just picture myself embracing Jesus each day and in the knowledge that He is near me and I can rest in His bosom, I felt at peace and rest in my soul. After reading my Bible and praying to God (this time really enjoying and relishing every moment of it), I looked out the window and happily beheld the beautiful sunset, blue skies and scenery, and told God that today has been a good day because of my time with Him.